Every family has a black sheep, every class has a dunce, and every group of superheroes has a member who's operating a level far below their more talented teammates. The following 8 characters were the laughingstock of their respective groups, unable to prove their worth with their meager powers.
8-Aquaman from the Justice League
When you're a member of a team composed of Earth's greatest heroes, you ought to be pretty powerful as well, otherwise some ridicule might follow. And in the case of Aquaman, much ridicule seems to follow, usually preceding laughter and finger-pointing. These criticisms, however, are easily justified since blondie's superpowers consist of being able to talk to fish, and swimming well, while other members of his team are able to shoot frickn' laser beams from their eyes and freeze people with their ice-breath. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that Aquaman's mom (Aquamom?) probably talked to the other Justice League members' mothers imploring them to allow Aquaman membership since "he's been having a real tough time making new friends." Only Superman is able to count the number of times Justice League members have rolled their eyes during the course of Aquaman's "exploits."
With the holidays approaching, you might be tempted to take the word of your fellow internet user when it comes to their opinion on products and businesses. Just make sure it's not one of the following types of morons writing it.
5- The Crappy Purchase Justifier
Wow. You just blew how much on an HDTV? Damn. And it's only 720p without an HDMI input? Unless you bought it in 2002, you got hosed, pal. Of course, that won't stop you from extolling the virtues of the bezel finish or the user-friendly remote on the CNET product page. But really, will it help you sleep at night knowing you've deceived potential customers to make you feel like less of a chump?
A bride's wedding day is meant to be a dream come true. But aren't dreams pretty messed up most of the time? For every one dream where you're riding a unicorn through a field of lollipops there are a hundred where all your teeth fall out or you find your gym teacher naked in your bathtub. Oh, just me? Well, the point is that sometimes your dream day is often a nightmare for everyone you invite. Especially if you try to spice it up with one of these theme weddings.
The Disney theme doesn't sound bad in theory. Who doesn't love Disneyland? People that are dead inside, that's who. And what better place to spend the most magical day of your life than in the most magical place on earth? That is until you have creepy, giant, unblinking, lifeless mouse faces staring you down during the most important moment in your life. Just because the giant cartoon mouse is wearing a tuxedo and top hat does not turn the occasion into a classy event. What is even worse is when you realize it is actually a couple of sweaty, underpaid, unemployed actors that hate you under those oversize heads. If you have to get married in the Magic Kingdom, why not on The Pirates of the Caribbean? Have that ominous skull read the vows before you make a literal plunge.
Life is full of awkward moments, but one era encapsulates all that is uncomfortable. Here are eight moments every adult is currently surpressing about his or her adolescence.
8- The public erection
When a male is first able to regularly achieve an erection, he'll find that it frequently occurs amongst congregations of people. Whether this is due to impure thoughts that are being had for the females in proximity, or just because the body wants to practice this new found and astounding ability is unclear. What we are certain of though, is how embarrassing it can be when achieved in the company of the elderly.
An awkward illustration:
Bobby is excited for this Sunday's church service because he knows that all the time spent practicing his solo is about to pay off. As he sits in the pew waiting for Pastor Todd to announce his performance and ask him to approach the head of the church, he can't help but notice how nervous and excited he's getting all at the same time; this is going to be some solo, Bobby pleasantly thinks to himself. As the moment arrives, and Pastor Todd gives him the nod, Bobby starts feeling something unusual happening in his pants. Not completely aware of what's taking place, Bobby continues towards the front, only to find that with each ongoing step his pants seem to be getting tighter and tighter. By the time Bobby reaches the front of the sanctuary, and just as the organ begins to play the first notes of My God Is an Awesome God, Bobby realizes he has what doctors describe as a "raging boner." As Grandma unknowingly snaps a picture of what will be Bobby's most memorable hard-on, Bobby comes to the conclusion that God doesn't exist.
There are two ways an election can be covered by the media. The first way is by examining the stances of the candidates on essential issues. The other way is to jump on every single crazy allegation made by a moron with an Internet connection (though sometimes, the candidates propagate them, too). We'd one day like to see one done the first way, but in the meantime, here is our list of the 8 Most Insane Accusations of the 2008 Presidential Election.
8- "Joe" the "Plumber"
Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher may not sport a crack, but he must be smoking crack. He famously tried to smack down Barack Obama by claiming that Obama was a socialist who would tax him higher for buying a successful business, which profited over 250k/year, thus spreading the wealth. Obama fended off the accusation and ended up with a clear opportunity to explain, in depth, his tax plan.
But, Joe's problems were just beginning because it was all a lie. Joe Plumber must be the first person in the world to brag about working with feces. Turns out, the guy was not a plumber, was not going to make 250k/year, and didn't even pay income taxes last year. In the end, the free press did Obama wonders because it showcased his on-the-spot knowledge of the taxes and finances and backfired on Joe Plumber--who is now campaigning for John McCain
With everyone (ignorant) harping on the problems with Barack Hussein Obama's middle and last names, we thought we'd point out how awesome his first name is by noting the 6 best fictional characters that (almost) share his name.
6- Brak from ''Space Ghost''
How they're similar:
How they're different:
Unlike Brak, Barack usually speaks clearly. Usually.
With Halloween coming soon, we thought we'd do the candy-givers of the world a favor and highlight the worst treats ever foisted upon costumed children. Whether you want to avoid having a lawn coated in egg yolks and 1-ply toilet paper, or earn the ire of every kid in your neighborhood, take note of these 7 sucky treats.
Only the cheapest misers pass out pennies come Halloween, and while that may seem counterintuitive, take a look at the price of candy bags. If that tightwad fills his "treat bowl" with 200 pennies he's essentially only spending 2 bucks on trick-or-treaters. The typical bag of candy costs around $3.00, and nobody buys just one bag of candy. So by giving out those tiny pieces of brass, which were probably salvaged from his couch cushions seconds before the doorbell rang, this cheapskate is saving himself upwards of $4.00. He also probably drives a 1990 Toyota Camry, has been twice divorced, and considers warm water a luxury. If you ever come across the penny-pincher while trick-or-treating, kindly refuse his stingy offering, and tell him that he needs the money worse then you do. Then set a bag of poo on fire on the hood of his Camry.
We're back again with another batch of listy goodness from around the OMG blog network. We've picked the best lists from our sister sites and ranked them in order. Mmm... numeration.
4- The 10 Most Legendary Swords in Gaming from OMGRPG
There's no item in gaming more iconic than the sword. Flailing about and striking your enemies with a long, sharp blade may be illegal in real-life, but in gaming, it's the norm. OMGRPG has collected the 10 greatest swords that the gaming community has had the honor of wielding.
With the launch of the Google Chrome web browser this week, one begins to wonder just how big the Google empire is going to become. They're already the best place the work in the nation, the most popular search engine, have created a new verb ("I'll just google it..."), so what's next? Here are our ideas for Google's next ventures:
6- Google Toilet Paper
When you're already wiping the floor with your competition you might as well take it as far as you can go. Why not allow your adoring fans to wipe their asses with the sad excuses for rivals whose butts you're kicking? We think Google should design a toilet paper that plays off their simple white background. Only instead of "Google" all over the place you can have MSN, Yahoo, Safari, Firefox, etc. The rolls would be HUGE what with all the groups Google has trounced-you'd always have a square to spare.
We may have a burning passion for lists here at OMGLists, but we're not the only ones. In fact, many of the other sites in our OMG Network produce equally stellar lists that catch our eyes. Here's a collection of the best recent one, presented to you in--you guessed it--list format.
3- Five Raddest Retro Console RPGs at OMGRPG
Let's be frank here. We're all huge nerds here. And nothing gets a nerd all riled up like a discussion about awesome RPGs, especially if they're of the NES/SNES variety. OMGRPG has a list of the five best 8 and 16-bit RPGs we loved back in the day of the cartridge. Before we had 10 minute long summon spells and emo-styled protagonists, we had sprites spouting Engrish and random battles against eight different types of slime. Memories...
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