Reporters have a rough job. They slave and toil to bring us information about the world around us, with little thanks other than the occasional verbal harassment. Here are eight journalists that put their safety on the line to put us right in the middle of the most important (read: injury-filled) news stories ever. Possible fakes have been omitted so dirty tricksters don't get credit for false bravery. Yes, These reporters, are most assuredly the real deal. Also, Note the quick reference to each videos juicy parts!
8- Reporter Pwned By Kitty
A sadistic couple gets caught throwing their pet cats out of a moving car and killing them. Luckily, Kathleen Cochrane is on the scene - sort of. She's definitely on a scene of some kind; I'm guessing an animal shelter. Instead of holding a purring kitten and winning the sympathy of her viewers, she picks Satan's death kitty - proving that cats are nothing more than killing machines. She reminds us not to fuck with cats that make noise like this.
Point of pwnage: 0:15
7- Reporter Voluntarily Tazed
I see people get tazed, like, everyday, bro! Every time I watch COPS I see, probably four or five people get tazed. Every time someone gets tazed they react the same way, they collapse and scream and their bodies flex and twist into the shape of a crescent moon. With this in mind I cannot understand why this journalist, not only voluteered, but probably asked to be tazed. To be honest I think cops are having a great time in this video.
Point of pwnage: 1:11
6- Bjork Pwns a Reporter
Iceland's pride, singer-songwriter, composer, actress and music producer Björk Guðmundsdóttir deals with quite a lot while traveling the world, peddling lousy music, wearing weird dresses, and dealing with crazed reporters. When this reporter simply states, "Welcome to Bankok," Bjork lashes out in a fury that put Burt Reynolds to shame. Welcome to internet infamy.
Point of pwnage: 0:12
5. Tiny Lizard Pwns Reporter
I know you're saying, "Hey, that lizard doesn't really pwn that reporter!" The fact is, this reporter acts like Chris Angel is climbing out of his asshole when actually a tiny gecko just hops onto his jacket. Now maybe the guy was a little freaked out by the six-foot snake in his hand. But, that's no excuse as this gecko pwns the shit out of this reporter.
Point of pwnage: 0:19
4- Pwned By An Explosion
There really isn't much to say about this video. The reporter manages to squeeze out half a sentence, "And if you want something to happen to you," before she's engulfed in a small explosion. The first instant I though it was caused by the vapors of her hairspray. I, of course, realized that someone was ramping their dirt bike out through the back door of the trailer. I don't see how there could have possibly been a miscommunication between the girl and the bike's violently roaring engine.
Point of pwnage: immediately
3- Reporter Pwned by Pole
Chuck Storm is bringing it to you live. He's on the scene of a robbery looking for clues and just basically being on the beat, as the show's title insinuates. Chuck doesn't get very far though because a street pole suddenly leaps before him and pummels his skull.
Point of pwnage: 0:05
2. Pwned By a Bucket of Grapes
Yes, the all too recognizable grape lady. The first time I saw this video I felt too guilty to laugh, but I wanted to laugh so hard that instead I ended up just shitting about a pound of skittles. This woman makes a noise like Gary Coleman if he were to be raped by Ving Rhames. She might also sound like Scooby Doo being castrated or a Pikachu being cut in half. In any case she sounds like she's in horrific pain. I can't feel bad, though because stomping grapes on a five foot platform seems like such a stupid idea. Also, she cheated at that friendly little competition, and cheaters get what they deserve.
Point of pwnage: 0:52
1- Reporter Double-Pwned By Wife and Husband
I don't even know what this reporter is covering. There's a brief blurb about something with houses and stolen identities but who cares about that?! The real story is the the fight between John Maddox, Sam Suleman, and Sam's wife Rosa. Maddox is assaulted not once, but twice. Three times if you count the bite to his shoulder.
Point of pwnage: 0:37, 1:29 and 2:03