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I hate you Bo Jackson: SportsBlagh's Gaming Sports Moves

Nov. 13 6:32 PM by Dave Rudden

Comedic sports blog SportsBlagh has a roundup of the five most unstoppable moves in sports gaming history. Knowing my hatred for the modern-day sports sim, this list tickles my fancy by including a largely old-school crop, though you have to believe part of the reason is the paper-thin AI employed by games during the 8 and 16-bit era. While there's plenty of justified picks on the list-- I used to be a big fan of the wrap-around goal in the early EA NHL titles-- I have to present a few picks of my own, which you can check out after the break.

Pasting Paste in Bases Loaded:

Bases Loaded had it's own version of Barry Bonds in Paste, a slugger who hit 60 home runs in the season gamers never saw. Like Bonds, he was subject to fits of roid rage. Simply plunk Paste at the right time, and he'll charge the mound and get ejected. I can still remember the time my asshole older brother pulled out this move for the first time and completely destroyed any advantage I had-- Jersey had by far the worst bench in the game.

The Game that Never Happened:

In the early days of online console gaming, sports games were a hell of a lot more frustrating. If you truly dominated a match, you constantly lived in fear of the opponent quitting out right before the end of a game without having to face the consequences (read: a vicious voice message). Once the designers implemented punishment for dropping out of a game, the cheaters got even more vicious, as many would leave a losing game paused, meaning the dominant player would have to quit or endure a torturous standoff. Thankfully, that tactic has been neutered... I hope. I quit online sports games after some nasty NBA 2K3 matches.

Deke Like a Dick:

I don't play sports games as much nowadays, but my love for Mario Strikers Charged transcends that. Speaking of transcending, there is a serious problem with teleporting characters scoring without having to shoot. Rather, a player can take one of these characters, teleport in close range to the goal, and steal an easy goal. Sure, you can score six goals in one possession in this game, but cheap deke goals are aggravating on a whole 'nother level. Obseruv:

Are there any additions you'd make to SportsBlagh's stellar list? Drop a comment!


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