There are two ways an election can be covered by the media. The first way is by examining the stances of the candidates on essential issues. The other way is to jump on every single crazy allegation made by a moron with an Internet connection (though sometimes, the candidates propagate them, too). We'd one day like to see one done the first way, but in the meantime, here is our list of the 8 Most Insane Accusations of the 2008 Presidential Election.
8- "Joe" the "Plumber"
Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher may not sport a crack, but he must be smoking crack. He famously tried to smack down Barack Obama by claiming that Obama was a socialist who would tax him higher for buying a successful business, which profited over 250k/year, thus spreading the wealth. Obama fended off the accusation and ended up with a clear opportunity to explain, in depth, his tax plan.
But, Joe's problems were just beginning because it was all a lie. Joe Plumber must be the first person in the world to brag about working with feces. Turns out, the guy was not a plumber, was not going to make 250k/year, and didn't even pay income taxes last year. In the end, the free press did Obama wonders because it showcased his on-the-spot knowledge of the taxes and finances and backfired on Joe Plumber--who is now campaigning for John McCain
7- Ashley Todd Faces the Truth
Silly, little Ashley Todd. When she went and carve her own face with a "B" for Barack and blamed it on a Obama supporter, she should have reported an attack location without a surveillance camera. It was like Christmas for News Corp and McCain supporters: a white woman attacked by a black man. It seemed like exactly what the McCain camp needed... a little race baiting, a dash of domestic terror, and a scary black man with a penchant for dyslexic face carving. The twist? It was a hoax and Ashley Todd was forced to come clean after video footage showed that she was not even at the ATM where she claimed that the scary black man had carved her face. It's one thing to not know about the Googles, but surveillance cameras have been around since the 1960s.
6- Palin Book Ban
Soon after Sexy Sarah was named Republican VP du jour, there was so little known about her that it was easy for us to believe that she had banned books in Wasilla, AK. And within days an e-mail was circulated with a list of books that she had banned from the Wasilla Library. The truth is that she did not ban any books, but she did inquire about removing some objectionable books. While we're still not sure if she's ever read a newspaper we're guessing that Sexy Sarah is good at reading faces that say, "Are you fucking nuts, Frau Hitler?"
5- Bristol Palin's Brother-Son
If there's one thing this election year provided us, it is the ever-surreal tales of the Palin family. Just days after Sarah Palin was introduced at the RNC, it was announced that 17-year old Bristol Palin was preggers. This announcement was preceeded by days of Internet-rumor mongering that Bristol was actually Trig's mother, with blogs pointing to pictures of a bloated Bristol and svelte Sarah during Trig's gestation period. The National Enquirer and a handful of liberal blogs jumped all over this story. Although, no one really investigated Baby-gate, we're pretty sure that the National Enquirer is not a bastion of fact checking. The allegations were forgotten soon after.
4- The Palins: True Independents
The story is that the First Dude, Todd Palin, was a member of the Alaska Independence Party from 1995-2006. Who are the AIP and what's their goal? They are a group of Alaskans who do not want to be part of the United States of America; and their founder, Joe (six-pack?) Vogler has been recorded as saying, "I'm an Alaskan, not an American. I've got no use for America or her damned institutions." Bitter much? So, Sarah was not officially a member, but she did speak at their convention in 2008 and said that she was proud of them.
3- Obama: Sex Ed for Kids!
What is it about Conservatives and sex? It's a sin to talk about it or allow other people to have it, but not so much a sin to take part of it themselves in airport bathrooms or in underage chatrooms. The, now infamous, John McCain ad that accuses Barack Obama of wanting to teach kindergarteners sexual education has got to be the third most insane thing we've heard all year. The actual goal of the bill (which did not pass) was to protect children from sexual predators and parents could opt out of the program with no questions asked.
2- Michelle Bachman Resurrects McCarthy
In Michelle Bachman's Pro-America there is no such thing as the Bill of Rights, Civil Rights, equality, diversity, fact checking, or any of that crap that makes the United States of America great. No surprise from a lady with crazy eyes. But, when we heard Bachman call out for a McCarthy-style investigation of Congress, we immediately hid our Chomsky books under a pile of Hustler magazines, out of fear of Red Scare part Deux. Besides apple pie and porn, what is more American than the freedom of speech? We just think that Bachman miscalculated her popularity. Only folks on the Republican presidential ticket can get away with saying that crazy shit.
1- Barack Obama is a Muslim-Arab-socialist-communist-terrorist
This one is such a contentious, hot topic that we almost didn't want to touch it. Alas, we had to because it is the most asinine accusation ever made in the history of Presidential elections. Sure, the McCain camp did not come out and say the words, but their subtext invoked the Republican base to come out and pronounce that Barack Obama was a Muslim, Arab, socialist, communist, terrorist, and Marxist, that was not born in the U.S. By using phrases like "dangerous", "pals around with terrorists", "Who is the real Barack Obama?", it was clear what the McCain/Palin ticket was trying to accomplish. Things are so out of hand that the Obama campaign put up a website called "Fight the Smears" that posts his birth certificate.
Want some more of the weirdness only Washington DC can inspire? Check out these OMGLists: