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6 Odd Inventions Google Could Extend Its Empire With

Sep. 5 6:23 PM by Kate McNally

With the launch of the Google Chrome web browser this week, one begins to wonder just how big the Google empire is going to become. They're already the best place the work in the nation, the most popular search engine, have created a new verb ("I'll just google it..."), so what's next? Here are our ideas for Google's next ventures:

6- Google Toilet Paper

When you're already wiping the floor with your competition you might as well take it as far as you can go. Why not allow your adoring fans to wipe their asses with the sad excuses for rivals whose butts you're kicking? We think Google should design a toilet paper that plays off their simple white background. Only instead of "Google" all over the place you can have MSN, Yahoo, Safari, Firefox, etc. The rolls would be HUGE what with all the groups Google has trounced-you'd always have a square to spare.

5- Google News Network (GNN)

We folks of the tech generation are getting a little tired of the same-old, same-old boring and worn out news networks. CNN tries too hard with overly flashy graphics and models-turned-reporters, Fox News is full of old white men telling you what you should think, and the regular networks barely allot any time to the news as it is-I'm sure there's a lot more going on than what you can fit into that tiny, 23 minute broadcast. This is an industry rife with potential for Google. They could come in and just offer a white screen with the day's events scrolling across and Morgan Freeman can narrate! His voice makes everything sound better. And who wouldn't want to read about the latest plane crash or stock market tumble in colorful blues, reds, yellows and greens?

4- Googlottery

If you've ever tried to get a job with Google you know it can be quite the process. Phone interviews, in person interviews, a panel interview, a 6 month trial period, etc. But with Forbes Magazine ranking it as the number 1 company in America for whom to work, wouldn't everyone like a chance to try out Google as a boss? Thus, the creation of Google scratch-its! While you wouldn't have a chance to win part of the Google billions, you WOULD get a chance to win a job working at Google! Sure there would be those crappy prizes of t-shirts or a Google mug, but the grand prize would be getting a walk-on role at Google headquarters located in sunny, tree-less, strip-mall filled Silicon Valley! Runner up gets to be a night janitor at the Coppell, Texas branch.

3- G-nesis

Google's a company known for great design through spare, clear concepts as well as being pro-open source. Both of those are sorely needed in the gaming industry. As the Wii has proven, casual gamers love simple yet addictive experiences (much like visiting Google's website). The runners-up in the console war have systems cluttered with ugly user-interfaces and complicated games. A Google gaming system would undoubtedly be easy for beginners and hardcore gamers alike, and you can bet that developers would be lining up around the block to make games for it, since the big G is very friendly when it comes to third parties tinkering with their products.

2- Google TV Dinners

For the lucky someone who wins the Googlottery, lunchtime is going to be a real treat. Google is well-known for the fantastic free meals which they provide for their employees every day. But don't worry, we've come up with a fantastic plan so you don't feel left out of the party. If you're not fortunate enough to get the golden Googlottery ticket have no fear-with Google TV Dinners you too can taste the yummy goodness. Savor the flavors of the large industrial tech complex from the comfort of your own dead-end job!

1- Go-Ogle

Online dating has become the latest trend that seems to have a long life ahead of it. With the rise of sites like match.com, OkCupid, ChristianSingles.net, eHarmony (in all its homophobic glory), etc it looks like more and more people are choosing to send their cheesey pick-up lines while online rather than in person. So being the online giant that it is, Google has the perfect opportunity to take their search engine prowess and lend its services to those on the prowl. Add in the Google image search and you're ready to go ogle (Google-go ogle-brilliant. ) any number of potential mates. And if you're feeling a bit frisky, go ahead and turn the SafeSearch off, you naughty thing!

Comments

You know, I will never understand how a simple search engine for the internet has become one of the most powerful companies today. It will only be a matter of time before Google controls all of the world's data and rule the world!

On another note, as long as the toilet paper is 2-ply, I'm all for it. Also the Google TV dinners doesn't sound too bad either. Yummy...microwaved fried chicken!

 

i am actually writing this comment using Google Chrome and i love it!

 

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