As a culture we adore our celebrities. We may not know what initiatives are on the ballot this fall, but we sure as hell know how many pushes it took Angelina Jolie to crank out the latest additions to her brood. However, the one thing we love more than adoring our celebrities is laughing at them when, for just a brief moment, they falter and appear to be almost human. Here are our 8 favorite humiliating celebrity accidents.
8- Tara Reid's Inadvertent Topless Photo Shoot
After having as much work done on her boobs as she did, it's no surprise that Tara Reid has absolutely no feeling left in her most striking features. Because silicone has no nerve endings, Tara did not even realize her breast had fallen out in front of an entire crew of rabid paparazzi members at a premiere. The photographers hit the jackpot as Tara stood obliviously smiling until an aide (or just someone that likes to ruin a good time) rushed over to clothe her (unsurprisingly haggard looking) breast once more. Still, with a resume that includes Josie and the Pussycats and Hitched it's the best entertainment she's ever produced.
7- Johnny Fairplay Gets a Bonaduce Backflip
Johnny Fairplay is one of the biggest leeches in the reality show business--and that's saying a lot. He rose to fame on Survivor after pretending his grandma died to gain the sympathy of his cast-mates and avoid being voted off, despite his endlessly annoying personality. Since then he has popped up on reality show after reality show like a bad case of herpes on our TV sets. So when he appeared at the Fox Reality Awards (embarrassing enough on it's own) and decided to be cute by jumping on former Partridge Family member and current psychotic mini-muscleman Danny Bonaduce we all got what we've been anxiously waiting for. By dropping Fairplay face first onto the stage and leaving him in a bloody mess, Bonaduce did what most thought could never be done: get Johnny Fairplay to shut up and get off the TV.
6- Star Jones Pulls a Marcia Brady
Though now Star Jones is an unemployed skinny lady with an abnormally large head, we still remember her best as the fat(test) lady on The View. Any of her colleagues could have been sent to film this remote piece for the show where she ends up catching a football with her face, but fate deemed it was her, and we all owe lady fate a great deal for that. Barbara Walters being smacked in the face with a football would be hilarious, there's no doubt about that. But somehow Star Jones is the perfect candidate for a pigskin to the nose.
5- Bush Can't Even Drive a Segway Properly
The President of the United States has many difficult tasks in his day to day life, but you really wouldn't think operating a Segway would be one of them. Then again, this is the same President that almost got assassinated by a particularly chewy pretzel. It really shouldn't be a surprise that Bush can't control a mechanism that requires only a delicate touch to function properly. Bush doesn't do the delicate touch thing. And just like every other time he put his full weight behind something and used force he wound up flat on his face.
4- Gravity Pulls Kelsey Grammer Off-Stage
Kelsey Grammer has always seemed like a bit of a pompous ass. Maybe it's a matter of him just playing Frasier too well, but there's always been a hint that his beloved snooty character is not too far off from his own personality. So that's why it's so much fun to watch Kelsey get knocked down to our level by walking off a stage. Not tripping. Not stumbling. Not slipping. He honestly is so into his own ramblings that he simply walks off the edge. Yet, just when you thought he couldn't do something more embarrassing than this, he agrees to be in the new conservative comedy movie An American Carol. Good Lord, indeed.
3- Cyndi Lauper Gets a Mouthful
Over the years a lot of crap has come out of Cyndi Lauper's mouth, but on one very special evening the act was finally reversed. As she belted out one of her classics (wait, does she have more than one?) a mischievous bird flew over head and squirted out a helping heaping of bird poop right into her gaping maw. Not a pleasant experience, but as a pop star that made it big in the 80's it surely isn't the strangest thing shes ever had in her mouth. And at least it settles a zoological debate once and for all: birds do have good taste in music.
2- David Bowie Gets Suckered in the Eye
NOTE: Audio of the described incident happens 5 minutes in.
David Bowie has survived decades in the music industry, but Ziggy Stardust himself almost got taken out by one of the most innocent items around: a lollipop. Rock stars are used to panties being strewn about their stage by appreciative audience members, so maybe that's why a sweet little candy on a stick took him by surprise. An audience member threw the unassuming sucker at Bowie while he performed and scored a one in a million shot, lodging the stick right in Bowie's eye. Bowie managed to pull the candy out of his eye-socket and continue to perform, even claiming to punish the crowd by making the concert extra long. Thats the kind of punishment I can live with. How come every time I stab someone in the eye it ends in lawsuits and jail time?
1- Fabio's Fowl Roller Coaster Ride
Fabio, famous for his appearance on countless romance novel covers and his affinity for "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter," was asked to come and ride a new roller coaster for the grand unveiling. It seemed like a simple enough public appearance, but little did Fabio know that it would lead to one of the funniest things to ever happen on this planet. On the coasters maiden voyage it dipped over a pond, scaring up some geese that flew right into their thrilling descent. The result, of course, was Fabio getting a 20 lb goose to the face while cruising at top speed. Then he had to finish the ride with a blood splattered face and a belly-full of shame. Wherever you are goose: thank you.