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Aaron_Koehn

The 7 Suckiest Halloween Treats

Oct. 23 4:22 PM by Aaron_Koehn

With Halloween coming soon, we thought we'd do the candy-givers of the world a favor and highlight the worst treats ever foisted upon costumed children. Whether you want to avoid having a lawn coated in egg yolks and 1-ply toilet paper, or earn the ire of every kid in your neighborhood, take note of these 7 sucky treats.

7-Pennies

Only the cheapest misers pass out pennies come Halloween, and while that may seem counterintuitive, take a look at the price of candy bags. If that tightwad fills his "treat bowl" with 200 pennies he's essentially only spending 2 bucks on trick-or-treaters. The typical bag of candy costs around $3.00, and nobody buys just one bag of candy. So by giving out those tiny pieces of brass, which were probably salvaged from his couch cushions seconds before the doorbell rang, this cheapskate is saving himself upwards of $4.00. He also probably drives a 1990 Toyota Camry, has been twice divorced, and considers warm water a luxury. If you ever come across the penny-pincher while trick-or-treating, kindly refuse his stingy offering, and tell him that he needs the money worse then you do. Then set a bag of poo on fire on the hood of his Camry.

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KateMcNally

6 Unforgettable Campaign Characters Who Weren't Candidates

Oct. 22 5:18 PM by Kate McNally

Presidential candidates meet and hear of a lot of people during their time spent stumping and speaking. While most of those folks are instantly forgotten, some people manage to get their 15 minutes of fame by being highlighted by the campaigns. The following are a few individuals who featured prominently in presidential campaigns.

6- Joe 6-Pack

He's your average Joe. Your next door neighbor. The guy standing next to you in the beer aisle trying to decide between Natty Light and Hamms. The classic alcoholic American in all of us--and evidently Sarah Palin's best friend. This guy isn't known for his rock-hard abs or impressive exercise regimen, he's known for gettin' wasted and killin' things. Because in Sarah Palin's eyes, only the white, drunk hunters in this country who live in small towns and say "nuculer" are true Americans. So kick back in that Lay-Z Boy, pull the tab off a couple of cold ones and watch some hockey.

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BradySullivan

8 Inauspicious Early Roles for Famous Actors

Oct. 17 2:20 PM by Brady Sullivan

Celebrities do not rise overnight. Well at least not real ones. The girls from the Hills and the now infamous Joe the Plumber may have gotten famous extremely quickly for apparently no reason, but most actual celebrities have to work tirelessly over years to get where they are now. That is why some of today's best actors have filmographies filled with some less than stellar film choices. The best, of course, are the ones who acted in projects that have no resemblance to anything they do today. Here are 8 of the best.

8- Laurence Fishburne- "Pee Wee's Playhouse"

These days Laurence is known primarily for offering horrible actors a blue or red pill, but back before he was the too cool for school Morpheus he appeared on Pee Wee's Playhouse as the, well, somewhat less cool Cowboy Curtis. With long black curls flowing from his oversized cowboy hat and an "only in the 80's" pastel splattered cowboy outfit, as Cowboy Curtis Laurence Fishburne managed to make the cowboy from the Village People look like John Wayne and Clint Eastwood rolled up into one. And the crowd he hung out with sure was different. I don't remember Chairy or Jambi the Genie ever dodging bullets in slow motion.

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DaveRudden

The 10 Greatest Floating Heads of All Time

Oct. 10 7:36 PM by Dave Rudden

For something that's probably scientifically impossible, works of fiction sure seem to make the living disembodied head commonplace. The following ten heads have floated to the top of our hearts.

10- The Wizard from The Wizard of Oz

While the Wizard's status as a floating head can be disputed, what with it being a camera trick carried out by a bodied fat dude behind a curtain, the Wizard's place in movie history can be disputed. By showing the disparity in fear produced by a floating head and a normal guy, future scribes learned a valuable lesson. Floating heads are scary.

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Aaron_Koehn

7 Subpar Saturday Night Live Presidential Imitations

Oct. 3 3:30 PM by Aaron_Koehn

Saturday Night Live has been home to some pretty memorable political impressions that sometimes become as remembered as the politicians themselves. From Norm MacDonanld's Bob Dole meeting the real thing after Dole's defeat to Tina Fey making a series of cameos to lampoon Sarah Palin, SNL's candidate impressions always catch the eye of the public. When the show falters in finding the right match, however, the end result can be pretty brutal. Like MadTV brutal.

7- Phil Hartman as Ronald Reagan

While this sketch's joke is that it would be funny if Ronald Reagan's clueless good intentions were just a sort of masquerade, and that actually he's an incredibly--almost dangerously--proficient politician, the majority of the impression hardly resembles Reagan. Some would assert that that's the intention, and it very well may be, but while they attempt to distance the viewer's notions of who the character could be, the impression becomes very difficult to associate with who the character actually was. That being said, the sketch is still pretty funny, especially when Hartman quickly snaps into his trademarked loud, overbearing persona, followed shortly then by his caricatured senior-president guise. The fact that Hartman was one of the greatest Clinton impressionists of all time makes his miss with Reagan all the more noticeable.

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BradySullivan

9 Great Comedy Albums You Need in Your Collection

Sep. 25 6:05 AM by Brady Sullivan

Sure, there are those comedy classics out there that everyone out there has heard and most comedy fans can quote directly from. But outside the Cosbys, Carlins, and Hickses there is a whole world of fantastic comedy albums to discover. Here are 9 that may not be readily available at your local Best Buy next to the Larry the Cable Guys and Dane Cooks, but are well worth tracking down.

9. "En Garde, Society!" - Eugene Mirman

Eugene Mirman is a weird, but brilliant, New York based comedian. To give you a sense of Eugenes sense of humor, look no further than how he chose to honor the release of this album. Instead of the usual record release party or round of interviews at an ungodly hour for the zoo crew radio shows, Eugene instead hosted a protest of himself, providing protesters with signs with such comments as "God Made Adam and Eve, Not Eugene." The material on this album, a follow up to his first release The Absurd Nightclub Comedy of Eugene Mirman, carries much the same tone. Absurdity, social criticism and poo jokes all flow together to make a typical Eugene Mirman comedy set. His moral quandary of whether it is better to get knocked out for your abortion or to go to Papa Johns with the 30 dollars it costs is truly a question for the ages.

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Aaron_Koehn

7 Seriously Stupid Fictional Submarines

Sep. 24 3:48 PM by Aaron_Koehn

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There is perhaps no boat, with the exception of the bikini-babe filled yacht, that man yearns to be inside more than the submarine. Hollywood has realized that and has produce many fiction stories featuring the aquatic wonder. However, some of the lamer ones are about as stupid as a screen door on a... well, you know.

7-The Penguin Sub from Batman: The Movie

It's tough to instill fear in your enemies when you're 5 feet tall and over 300 lbs, and you do yourself no further favors when you choose to sculpt your means of transportation after one of the most harmless birds in existence. But that's the breaks for the self-proclaimed "criminal mastermind" who has an unexplainable affinity for the flightless bird known as the penguin. During the 1966 Batman movie (based on the infamously campy Batman series that ran during the 60's), the portly super villain known as the Penguin harbored a menagerie of master criminals in his penguin-shaped, submersible lair. Eventually, said lair was discovered by the dark knight, and The Batman proceed to beat this plump super villain into compliance. But prior to this fat-ass-kicking, spectators were treated to several "high tech" underwater shots that showed Hollywood's movie-making magic at its best. The Golden years indeed.

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Aaron_Koehn

7 Insane Campaign TV Ads

Sep. 17 3:48 PM by Aaron_Koehn

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When it comes to attaining political office for their candidates, political campaigns will throw any message against the wall to see what sticks. Here's 7 ads that left us scratching our heads.

7- Ike and Bob

You'd think that repeatedly saying shortened names in strange voices would easily get one elected; however, as Adlai Stevenson's ad proves, sometimes the general public just doesn't understand genius. Mr. Stevens--who ran for president in '52 and '56--attempted to link Dwight "Ike" Eisenhower with the unpopular senator Robert "Bob" Taft, in this classic political ad, which substantiates claims that Larry Craig wasn't the first Republican official that was bipartisan when it came to love. Unfortunately for Adlai, people of the 1950's were much more tolerant of their politicians' lifestyles. That, or after hearing that strange voice say "Ike" for the sixth time, they forgot the name of his opponent. Whatever the case, Ike won the election in a landslide.

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BradySullivan

7 Consistently Hilarious Talk Show Guests

Sep. 10 2:22 PM by Brady Sullivan

The hosts of talk shows are what get them to stay on the air, but what gets casual viewers to tune in are the guests. Sometimes they are actors with no business trying to be funny--'m looking at you Emile Hirsch!--but others are gems that make a conversation between host and guest like a fine jazz riff, except less pretentious and more funny. Here are 7 of the guests that consistently entertain us.

7- Bill Murray

Throughout his career Bill Murray has transitioned from a rapid fire jokester to a king of quiet, awkward comedy, but nowhere have the two come together better than on his late night appearances. As long as he has been guesting he has been constantly entertaining, always bringing a weird vibe of awkwardness on the brink of hilarity to the table and rarely discussing whatever film he is actually there to promote. During his appearance on Letterman's very first late night show alone he started a fake fight with Dave and did an aerobics routine to Olivia Newton John's "Let's Get Physical." But perhaps his most memorable appearance on Letterman came just last year when he used Dave's connections at CBS to call the head of the company, Les Moonves, and try to finagle some free tickets to the Super Bowl.

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OMGLists_Team

OMGLists SpotLists--The 4 Best Recent OMG Network Lists!

Sep. 9 5:31 PM by OMGLists Team

We're back again with another batch of listy goodness from around the OMG blog network. We've picked the best lists from our sister sites and ranked them in order. Mmm... numeration.

4- The 10 Most Legendary Swords in Gaming from OMGRPG

There's no item in gaming more iconic than the sword. Flailing about and striking your enemies with a long, sharp blade may be illegal in real-life, but in gaming, it's the norm. OMGRPG has collected the 10 greatest swords that the gaming community has had the honor of wielding.

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